My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
