My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
