xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
