just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
