i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
