So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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