Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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