she was so not down for the gang bang
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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