I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
