8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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