when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
