Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
