The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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