Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
