I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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