dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
