Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
