Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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