When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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