If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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