as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
