1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
