my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
