Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
