a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
there is glitter all over my balls
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
