My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
