Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
