i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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