i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
