i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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