pop tarts are not kleenex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
