sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
