I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
