you traded sex for a burrito?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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