literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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