apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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