So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
