i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
