Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
