And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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