I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
