Non-Jews are for practice
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
