My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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