I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
