We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
