hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
