Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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