What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
