i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
