this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
