Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
