I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
