You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
